My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
