Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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