so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
