i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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