It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.