oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.