Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"