she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.