I'm so fucking centered right now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian