I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
