He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City