I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
