dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can I color on your dick again?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
