I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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