1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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