the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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