We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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