I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
