so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
