bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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