the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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