I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
