Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
