Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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