I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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