sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
