we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
