Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
