I never want to see another naked old woman again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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