theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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