I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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