just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is the high leading the old right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
