let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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