I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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