it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They took my balls.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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