If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The chlamydia really affected his face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
