scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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