Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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