the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
