I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
