Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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