Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
