were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize