i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
