He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
