just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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