Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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