Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
