I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
