HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
