hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
