nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
