never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
