Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this beer tastes like vomit already
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
