Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
