i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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