Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
