Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
