man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
