I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
