i think i have two assholes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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