I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
