he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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