I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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