Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
