Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
