No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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