I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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