HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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