Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
