How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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