Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
