I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
