i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
