Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"