Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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