I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my being single is dangerous.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't put those talents on a resume