I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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