I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate