Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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