the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
