So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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