mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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