I cockslap morals
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
