Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
