Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
